Deny as you might, summer is the time of year when most of us start strutting around like proud peacocks hoping to turn heads our way for all the right reasons. More skin comes out from under clothing, things get decidedly tighter and the various High Streets and parks of the UK become catwalks and runways for folk to do their thing.
Sadly however, somewhere along the way the Great British public seems to have fallen into a few rather bad habits that for some reason have stuck and are still perpetuated even to this day. So at the risk of flogging the same dead horse year after year, here are a few ways in which you can guarantee to turn heads for all the wrong reasons if you insist on learning nothing from decades of fashion blunders:
On the beach or anywhere else, there is no excuse for any man with a shred of dignity to wear shorts that might as well be painted on. I mean seriously, some of these things are so tight that the fella in question would be as well going naked and at least retaining a little more dignity. There is a simple test to carry out – look yourself in the mirror and if the outline of anything whatsoever can be seen in the business area of the shorts, they’re too tight and you look like a pleb.
For the other three seasons of the year you can easily get way with wearing a scarf every day as a fashion accessory, but any guys that continue doing as such in the hottest of summer months are doomed to become victims of their own pretentiousness. It’s the equivalent of wearing shorts and a vest when you’re out in knee-deep snow, which admittedly some insist on doing but aren’t fooling anyone. When the weather heats up, get rid of the scarf and stop trying to look so artsy and boho – or at least find another way.
To be honest it should be made law that anyone that isn’t a rock star caught wearing sunglasses indoors or in the dark can be approached by any passer-by, have their shades removed and summarily stamped on. It is just so far beyond annoying when you see anyone that takes themselves that seriously and if you happen to be one of the offenders, consider this your official warning!
Bad enough on women but a thousand times worse on men, using fake bake over the summer to build that delightfully natural tangerine-coloured tan will win you nothing more than stifled laughter and pretty filthy bed sheets. And likewise, don’t go OTT with the real tanning either and end up looking like Battenberg cake.
Were cool as a fashion accessory a few summers ago, but are now once again confined to farmyards and muddy music festivals. So if you aren’t attending either at the time, don’t bother.
By Lisa Morton
Lisa Morton loves to shop at online vintage clothing stores and recently extended her range to include brown Chelsea boots from some of the country’s top designers.